Yet at its core, Valentine’s Day is about relationships, and not only romantic ones.

Relationships come in many forms. They include our connections with friends, family members, colleagues and communities. February can be a meaningful opportunity to reflect on and appreciate these bonds, and to recognise the care, trust and respect that sustain them. From a mental health perspective, however, this time of year can also invite a deeper reflection on one relationship that underpins all others: the relationship we have with ourselves.

The relationship with ourselves is the only relationship we experience continuously throughout our lives. It shapes how we see the world, how we respond emotionally, and how we engage in relationships with others. Despite its importance, this inner relationship is often overlooked. Many people seek validation, reassurance or a sense of worth externally, particularly through romantic relationships, while struggling to offer these qualities to themselves.

Across psychotherapy modalities, the significance of the self-relationship is well established. Person-centred therapy emphasises self-acceptance, self-empathy and congruence as foundations for psychological wellbeing. Attachment theory highlights how early relational experiences influence our sense of safety, self-worth and expectations of others. When these internal foundations feel unstable, romantic relationships can become a place where unmet emotional needs are unconsciously played out.

From a relational and integrative psychotherapy perspective, romantic partnerships often act as mirrors. We may be drawn to others who appear to provide what we find difficult to give ourselves, such as encouragement, self-respect, emotional validation or a sense of being valued. While relationships can be deeply supportive, relying on another person to meet these core needs can place strain on the relationship and leave individuals feeling disappointed or disconnected over time.

Developing a healthier relationship with ourselves does not mean becoming emotionally independent or withdrawing from others. Rather, it allows for more balanced, authentic and fulfilling relationships. Practices such as self-reflection, cultivating self-compassion, and becoming aware of our inner dialogue can support emotional wellbeing and relational resilience.

This February, alongside reflecting on our relationships with others, it may be worth gently asking: how is my relationship with myself? And how might my external relationships shift if I offered myself the same care, understanding and respect that I so readily offer to those I love.