Yet from a psychotherapeutic perspective, the metaphor of the mask raises important questions: what happens when the mask becomes less of a game and more of a way of living?

 

Jean-Paul Sartre spoke of mauvais foi, or “bad faith,” and famously illustrated it through his example of a waiter who was so completely absorbed in performing his role that he ceased to exist as an authentic being. He had become the mask, living as the performance rather than the person. In psychotherapy, we see how this can happen when people deny their freedom and accountability for our choices and our actions which remain in our control, by hiding behind roles or defences. The mask may feel safer, may be easier, more comfortable, but it can also distance us from our authentic self and our capacity for growth, denying us who we really are and what we really want.

 

This leads us to another seasonal metaphor: trick or treat. In psychological terms, the “trick” can be the way we convince ourselves we don’t need, aren’t worthy of, or don’t deserve, a “treat.” For many people, self-care, rest, and putting ourselves first can stir up shame or guilt, especially if our culture or upbringing has taught us that prioritising ourselves is selfish. But at what cost?? Here, Heinz Kohut’s work on narcissism provides a helpful reframe.

 

Kohut proposed that narcissism is not inherently bad, but exists on a sliding scale. At one end, healthy narcissism is vital for self-esteem and everyday functioning—we brush our teeth, we use deodorant or perfume, and take pride in ourselves. At the other extreme, pathological narcissism can emerge as a defence against deep shame, creating a distorted sense of superiority or perfection. An illusion is created in order to protect ourselves from ever having to process that shame that we become allergic to. Society often collapses all narcissism into this negative end of the spectrum, but without healthy narcissism we lack the confidence and self-regard necessary to live authentically, taking care of ourselves, in order to be our real selves for those around us.

 

Much like Halloween masks, narcissism requires balance. Too little, and we risk erasing ourselves, always putting others first to the point of neglect. Too much, and we risk becoming trapped in a self-delusion that avoids the vulnerability of imperfection. The therapeutic invitation is to cultivate healthy narcissism: enough self-worth to thrive, balanced with humility, accountability, and empathy.

 

As October reminds us, we all wear masks at times, and we all crave both tricks and treats. The question is whether we can notice when we are hiding behind performance, and when we are tricking ourselves into denying our need for care. In the end, the authentic self is never flawless, but it is always present beneath the mask—perfect in its imperfections. We are “good enough” when we are our true Selves.