August: Routines, Curveballs, and the Power of Perspective

 

Routine often gives life a sense of rhythm, expectedness and calmness. Whether it’s the way we start our mornings, the rituals we share with loved ones, or the steady habits that anchor our days, these patterns create a sense of safety and predictability. But life, as we all know, doesn’t always stick to our script. Illness, loss, unexpected opportunities, or sudden changes in relationships can upend even the most carefully maintained routines. This has been a big theme in August for me in my work and my personal life.

When the unexpected appears, our perspective becomes a powerful tool. If our attention fixes solely on what is negative, frightening, or out of our control, we can quickly feel powerless. But if we choose—deliberately—to look at what we can control and what meaning we can make from the situation, we begin to reclaim agency. This doesn’t mean ignoring the painful or difficult aspects; it means holding them alongside the potential for growth, connection, or learning.
Our mindset shapes not just our emotional state in the moment, but how we navigate the bigger picture. Two people might experience the same event but respond entirely differently depending on the lens they use. I see this all the time in my work.

From an attachment perspective, John Bowlby’s work reminds us that humans are deeply influenced by their early relational experiences. When relationships, work, platonic or romantic, take an unexpected turn—someone withdraws, acts in ways we don’t understand, or feels differently than we’d hoped—we can be left scrambling for security. Bowlby’s framework points to an important truth: we cannot control how others feel or act. We can, however, notice our own patterns, recognise the younger attachment-driven parts of ourselves that might feel abandoned or rejected, and respond with care rather than reactivity.

This is where Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers another valuable insight. When something throws us off course, different parts of us may step forward with strong reactions—anger, fear, self-criticism, or the urge to control. These parts often grab the loudest microphone because they are trying to protect us from hurt. Yet IFS invites us to pause and connect with our Self (with a capital S)—that calm, compassionate innate part of all of us, that can hold all parts without being overwhelmed by them. From this place, we can decide which parts to soothe, which to thank for their efforts, and which not to allow to run the show, take away their megaphone.

Life will always bring the unplanned. But by nurturing routines that give us stability, adopting a perspective that focuses on what we can shape, and staying anchored in Self when our parts are clamouring for control, we create more space to respond with clarity, compassion, and resilience.

In doing so, we turn the unexpected from an enemy to be feared into a teacher to be heard.