July: Overwhelmed? Start with What’s Yours to Carry

 

This blog post came to me, as I have been recovering from quite a major surgery for the past two weeks. When anxiety or overwhelm shows up, it can feel like we’re holding a thousand threads at once — looping thoughts, fears, what-ifs, and a sense of urgency to fix everything, immediately. In these moments, a helpful practice is to pause and ask a deceptively simple question: Is this within my control, or not?

If it is not in our control, chances are it will remain out of our control whether we spend all our energy, time, anxiety and focus on it or not.

This idea runs through many traditions — from existential philosophy to psychotherapy to recovery work — and can offer clarity when our minds are clouded.

In existential thought, we are seen as ultimately responsible for ourselves — our choices, our actions, our responses. We cannot control what others think or feel, nor can we bend the world to our will. If we could, the world would be a very different place, and dare I say pretty dull! But we can choose how we meet our circumstances. That responsibility can feel heavy, but it’s also liberating — it means there is always something we can do, however small, within our own sphere of agency.

Similarly, in the 12-step recovery tradition, the Serenity Prayer captures this wisdom: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." This is not passive acceptance — it’s an active, ongoing discernment. When we identify something as out of our hands, we allow ourselves to set it down. And when we find what is within reach, we can act — thoughtfully, not reactively.

But it’s important not to rush in and try to change everything at once. From a psychotherapeutic perspective, trying to do everything — even the helpful things — can be another form of anxiety. It’s like deciding to go to the gym seven days a week after months or years of doing nothing. At first, it feels like taking control — but it can quickly lead to exhaustion, burnout, or even injury. And that injury is a powerful metaphor: in the same way, trying to take on too much emotionally or mentally can actually make our anxiety or mental health worse rather than better.

Real, sustainable change begins with pacing, self-compassion, and realism. One small, manageable step in an area we can control — our breath, our routine, a boundary, a moment of reflection — can be enough.

So, the next time anxiety floods in, pause and ask: What here is mine to hold? And what isn’t? Is it something I can control or not?

That small shift can make a big difference.